No joke: I haven’t sat down since — what? — May. But I’m pausing a moment to give this way-fast rundown of what will keep you running around this weekend by popular request. Ready, set…
Friday, Aug. 26
Critical Mass August Ride (more info)
It’s the last Friday of the month, so you know where you’ll find me. Cleveland Critical Mass August bike ride meets in the mall at Key Tower because Captain America is beating up bad guys on Public Square (just look for the mass of cyclists; it’ll probably be us) at 6:30 p.m. and pushes off at 7 p.m. We’ll pedal an hour and a half, ending at Cropicana, Whiskey Island. All levels welcomed; wonderful weather expected.
Running Open House (more info)
Cross-training is key to top performances, healthy living and a happy fitness regiment (no, I don’t mean cycling and eating dessert in CLE — at least, not this time). Two of our areas fastest and raddest elite runners, Elizabeth Hansen and Nicole Camp, will talk about the aerobic benefits of running for cyclists at The Bicycle Hub (7430 Mentor Ave) Open House from 7-8:30 p.m. Food, drinks, prizes and great advice from extremely talented ladies provided.
SPACES Opening: Portability and Network (more info)
Lights are back on at SPACES Gallery just in time for a Steve Lambert (Capitalism Works for Me) and Royden Watson (Usnews) show curated by Christian Wulffen. Tonight’s opening features drinks, a Bad Art Night station (“visitors can dig in and make their own art sign in the style of Steve Lambert, but it all has to be bad”) and curbside Umami Moto. It’s free and open to the public. So, go!
Happy Bike Hours at Noodlecat (more info)
Long story short: I went to Noodlecat (234 Euclid Ave) for the first time earlier this week for dinner. Loved it (more on that later)! Now it’s your turn. Our newest slurpalicious locale celebrates cyclists tonight with free passed appetizers 5-6:30 p.m. and then free drinks at 9 p.m.
Ctownartparty Presents: CLEVELAND, plus: Walk All Over Waterloo (more info)
No matter what medium you use… so long as it’s representin’ CLE. This Ctownartparty show at Zaller Gallery (16006 Waterloo Rd) shows off local talent whose work is inspired by Cleveland — its legends and architecture, people and neighborhoods, histories and future. It’s a Walk All Over Waterloo night, so check out the show, shop Native Cleveland, Music Saves, Star Pop and all the other wonderful haunts on Waterloo. Don’t miss Shout Bamalama, the rock, rhythm and blues dance party, a free show featuring DJ Shouting Thomas Torment.
Other things to consider:
Cleveland Indians Quadruplefecta: Thome, College ID Night, Dollar Dogs and Fireworks (more info)
Tropical Friday Hot Latin Party at Fortress (1360 West 9), 9 p.m. – 2:30 a.m. (more info)
Beer Wars film at Cleveland Museum of Art, 7 p.m. (more info)
Ohio City Opry at Happy Dog (5800 Detroit) 6-9 p.m. (more info)
Friday Night Five by Seven at Whole Foods Cedar Center (13998 Cedar Road), 5-7 p.m.(more info)
Saturday, Aug. 27
Cleveland Slut Walk (more info)
Please close your eyes now if you’re easily offended. OK: are they gone? A few years ago I performed in The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler’s masterpiece of feminine waffle. My favorite performance? Reclaiming Cunt. Best three minutes ever. OK, open your eyes now. CUNT. Oops, I’m not sorry. That performance, the monologues and events like the Cleveland Slut Walk seek to take back terms, acts, flippant insults, assumptions and any labels that turn our gender, our sexuality against us — male or female. Too often we equate femininity to weakness, which only encourages violence against women (because assholes like “easy” targets). And then we blame victims — for the way they dress, talk, look, think, act — for any crimes against them. Bull. Shit. This walk meets at Voinovich Park at 2 p.m. and kicks off at 3 p.m. Dress however you feel comfortable — whether you’re covered to the neck or showing all the skin that’s legal — and help raise awareness for all victims — women, men, transgender — of sexual assault.
RTA Bar Crawl (more info)
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been waiting months for the marquee event of the summer: RTA Bar Crawl! Organized by all-star Clevelanders Joe Baur and Michael Giammo, the crawl takes you on a trip around CLE watering holes via our user-friendly, albeit too-often overlooked, public transit system.
So, if you’ve had any doubts, questions or reservations about making RTA your designated driver, Saturday’s your chance to ride around with decorated veterans.
The crawl starts on Market Plaza (West 25th and Lorain) at 1 p.m. and takes the Red Line to University Circle. You’ll visit Jolly Scholar, Nido Italia, followed by Grotto in Shaker Square, various stops downtown and final rounds in Ohio City. Guaranteed to be one helluva time.
Noodlecat Back to School Blowout Bash (more info)
Not sure whether it’s on the RTA Crawl itinerary, but it should be! Stop by Noodlecat (234 Euclid Ave) for free food, $2 cocktails, 25-cent beer/wine drink specials and late-night karaoke from 7-10 p.m. Catch a free sampling of the slurpaliciousness, so you’ll know to come back for dinner next week.
Other things to consider:
Shaker Square/Larchmere Exploration Bike Ride, 7-9 p.m. (more info)
Punk Yoga at Beachland Ballroom, 11 a.m. – 12:15 p.m. (more info)
Cleveland Heart Walk (more info)
Little Builders at Cleveland Museum of Natural History (more info)
How Green Were My Galleries: Cleveland Museum of Art Highlights Tour, 2:30 p.m. (more info)
Grupo Fantasma at Beachland Ballroom, 8:30 p.m. (more info)
HotChaCha at Happy Dog, 9 p.m. (more info)
Bellefaire JCB Biathlon (more info)
Do you own a bike or can you borrow one? Do you have a pair of legs (natural or prosthetic)? Then you should check out Sunday’s biathlon at Bellefaire JCB, a Cleveland-based organization geared toward education, care and advocacy that enhances emotional, physical and intellectual well-being of kids and families in Jewish and general communities. Sunday’s race begins with a three-mile run at 8:30 a.m., followed by a 12-mile bike ride around the Heights. Looks like great weather, fantastic scenery, healthy way to start a Sunday… and a bountiful feast at the finish. You can register online or get there early — day-of registration is 7-8:15 a.m.
Register for Jak of All Trades Fest (more info)
Billed as the action-packed, family-friendly, one-day, private party that will rock your Labor Day weekend right, Jak of All Trades Fest is Saturday, Sept. 3 from noon-7 p.m. at Jakprints. But here’s the catch: it’s a must-RSVP event and the deadline is this Sunday, Aug. 28 at 11:59 p.m. So, visit the Jak of All Trades Fest page to register… before you run around and do other things this weekend.
Dog Paddle at Cleveland Metroparks (more info)
Perhaps I’m suffering Puppypalooza overload and subsequent withdrawal, but I couldn’t resist sharing the Cleveland Metroparks’ Dog Paddle from 1-5 p.m. at Ledge Pool and Recreation Area, Hinckley Reservation. This dog day of summer features kiddie coloring contest, pet tricks, agility course, doggie adoptions and a dog walk with naturalists, as well as Buckeye Dock Dog, “man’s best friend” and K-9 demos. Plus: you can take your pooch for a swim in Ledge Pool.
